Amaze.. how humans heart can take the pain

Eat Pray Love

-Elizabeth Gilbert-

“ I took on my depression like it was the fight of my own life, which , of course, it was. I became a student of my own depressed experience, trying to unthread its causes. What was the root of all this despair? Was it psychological? (Mom and Dad’s fault?) Was it just temporal, a “bad time” in my life? (When the divorce ends, will the depression end with it) Was it genetic? (melancholy, called by many names, has run through my family for generations, along with its sad bride, Alcoholism.) Was it cultural? (is this just the fallout of postfeminism American career girl trying to find balance in an increasingly stressfull and alienating urban world?) Was it astrological? (Am I so sad because I’m a thin skinned cancer whose major signs are all ruled by unstable Gemini?) Was it artistic? (Don’t creative people always suffer from depression because we’re so supersensitive and special?) Was it evolutionary? (Do I carry in me the residual panic that comes after millennia of my species’ attempting to survive a brutal world?) Was it karmic? (Are all these spasms of grief just the consequences before liberation?) Was it hormonal ? Dietary? Philosophical? Seasonal? Environmental? Was I tapping into a universal yearning for God? Did I have a chemical imbalance? Or did I just need to get laid. “

So this is my favorite paragraph in Liz book.. when his having a mental breakdown facing her divorced and after that she had to except the reality her boyfriend left her. Somehow or some point i know how it felt and how is it like. For me when Giant left me it felt like someone is tearing my brand new dress and all it's left it's just a beautiful mess.

I read it again and again till i get sleep at the other night, and until now i still amaze how humans heart can take the pain. I dont know why i like those writing of Liz... am i having S.A.D or did i always have a tendency toward melancholic.

A pastor said that we must be smart to read our lives, the most important to know what God's purpose in our lives, sometimes He allows us to experience sadness for something beautiful behind it.

Be smart to know that what's we've been through untill now, bad or good is because of our decision before .. Reap what we sow. There is a price for everything. Now, I paid my decision back then .. i guess it is karmic, just to remind me how bitch am i before. All i have to do is just to get deal with it.